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.m.a.n.d.a.
links
+userinfo
+entries
+friends
+calendar
+add me
the girl
Name:Manda
Residence:West Brookfield
Sexuality:Straight
Height:5'3
School:Quaboagg
Grade: Freshman
Lover:Nate 4/4<3
loves
making out, digital cameras cuddling, tif, hoodies, rain, snow, snowboarding, tennis, sports, soccer, gymnastics, paintball, writing, painting, online, pillows, bandanas, bananas, whipped creme, etc.
hates
ashlee simpson, rap, country, things that smell bad, the wind, etc.
music
atreyu, afi, unearth, taking back sunday, misfits, blindside, fall out boy, less than jake funeral for a friend, the used, bright eyes, brand new, norma jean, hawthorne heights, HIM, CKY, greenday, 3feetshort, the getupkids, and more
lyrics
layout
Background by Vintage-Glow. Coding by Ospenoptemous DO NOT STEAL.
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livejournal userinfo |
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livejournal calendar |
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| fuck it im done |
[Wednesday
March 9th, 2005
8:33pm] |
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mood |
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 ... |
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music |
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alkaline trio |
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monday i did absolutely nothing, i was suppose to stay after for a meeting but i didnt because i didnt feel like it. instead i went home and did absolutely nothing, i talked on the fone alot i know that. cant wait for dad to get this bill. i also listened to music, and thought, alot, as usual. but about nothing special, okay i lied, about everything that is going on but its not like it matters, no one cares anyways.
tuesday i went to school, and it started to snow, alot. after school i went to nates house to hang out. he is going to teach me to play electric guitar but yesterday it was too cold to go in his garage so we just hung out. as soon as i got there he gave me a grand tour of the house. and then we sat in his room and read his wall and talked. after like an hour we went downstairs and watched tv, then we went outside to see the horses and his diseased duck. we went back inside and i was covered in snow. and i had my chucks on so my feet were soaked. when we went inside he showed me his bass and then went upstairs in his room and talked again until my stepdad came to pick me up. it was fun, and good to get out of the house.
today just sucked, all around. but then again every day for me does. nothing good happened to me at all. we had a 2 hour delay and the whole time i just layed in bed. i tried to sleep but couldnt so i just layed there and thought about things. i eventually went to school and the day just suckedd. on the bus ride home i wasnt too happy considering people just plain suck and are like oh yay 50 cent and ashlee simpson. fuck yeah they rock. srry but i would rather listen to REAL music, not a keyboard, and lipsinging. der. i got home, talked on the fone for a little bit and then my dad picked me up. i came to my dads house, talked online, and then went to the basketball game. i saw pierce who i havent seen since forever, and the girls won, i think it was like 69-47. i yelled *I LOVE YOU TIF* with danielle, but im not sure if she heard us. after that i came back here. and ive been talking online. fun right? *coughs*
my mom is home for good now. and i think i like it but im not staying there cuz my dad is moving still. its good to have her around again.
fuck you for being suck a dickhead. ive done everything i can really i have. i dont know what else to say to you or what i should do but im trying my best, this is who i am why cant you accept it? seriously. i dont think that i have changed that much, and things arent suppose to change that quick either, it makes me think if you were lying to me in the first place or if your lying now. i dont get why i cant just give up, but im not going to, it means too much. i love the way that you show how you care.
i dont hate you, i could never hate you. okay i lied i probably could but i dont right now. jealousy maybe? im not sure. i really dont care, its not like anyone else cares so why should i? that makes sence.... right?
whatever fuck everything. im just giving up on life, its not worth it anyways.
count of crying is now up to 12 days in a row. love you too.
i really want to go back to saturday, that was great, it got everything off my mind and made me really happy. and i like being happy. there isnt a better feeling.
kthnxbye
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[Sunday
March 6th, 2005
9:45am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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atreyu - lipgloss and black |
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yesterday was effin awesome.
i did nothing all day and then finally got in the shower at like 245. got ready and then benny came over at like 4. we hung out and stuff. it was fun. i miss that kid.
at 6 we left the the atreyu/unearth. we got there and stood in line for like 25 minutes to find out we were standing in line to get tickets, not to get in. so we walked around to the other line and had to stand there for like 40 minutes cuz it was effin long. but the people in front of us were funny. they were talking about some guy taking a 2 hr long shit at school, breaking the toilet paper holder, overflowing the toiled, and then finishing in the girls bathroom. they also siad that they could be individuals by stapeling their balls to their legs, or getting a prince albert and chaining it to their ears. finally when we got in we were looking for ryan *bens friend* and ryans friend andy. i bought a t-shirt. we were chilling there for a little and ryan ran up to benny and like grabbed him. ben almost tweaked out.
finally the concert started. scars of tomorrow was first. they werent that great. then norma jean came on, which got everything started the most. after norma jean was unearth. benny pushed me into a mosh. the whole time i got like kicked and punched and elbowed and pushed around. unearth effin kicked ass. me ben ry and andy were all like drenched in sweat. ry lost one of his earrings. atreyu came on and me and benny just kinda stuck to the back of the front cuz we started to get out of it but we moved up more when lipgloss and black came on. it was the second to last song. the last one was one of bon jovi's songs. it was soooo fucken awesome. during atreyu i had gia listen on the fone. it sucks that she couldnt be there.
after the concert benny didnt want to leave me in worcester by myself to wiat for my dad so he ended up sticking with me and went to my house after that for like a half hour. we just kinda talked. and then his dad came to pick him up.
today my mom is coming home for the day or suttin like that. i think that she was there the whole weekend. she wants me to go see her but im not sure if i want to cuz my dad told her that im going to be living with him. and i dont really want to talk about it to her just yet.
nothing else good has happened.
post it losers
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| WTF?! |
[Saturday
March 5th, 2005
3:57pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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the used - taste of ink |
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I didnt leave scott for ben, okay? i dont even know why i broke up with scott, i was a stupid fuck and i defenitely regret it. i broke up with scott like 2 months ago almost, and met ben in person a little over a month ago. it was like 2 weeks after me and scott broke up that ben came along. and now me and ben are ONLY FRIENDS! HE HAS A FUCKEN GIRLFRIEND. dont fucken spread rumors like little bitches. i wouldnt break up with scott for someone else. and if u cant realize it now, im kicking myself in the ass for breaking up with him in the first place. you all are a bunch of stupid fuckers. kthnxbye.
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[Saturday
March 5th, 2005
9:32am] |
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im done. fuck everything. nothing is worth it anymore.
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| i need you like water in my lungs |
[Friday
March 4th, 2005
6:13am] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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hawthorne heights - Niki FM |
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befores school. im not sure what to think. i was hoping that this was going to be a good day but already im about to have tears in my eyes. someone asked me yesterday if i knew what love was. and at this point i think that i know more then anyone, believe it or no. its not something that i can explain though, i just know it. for some reason i have nothing more to say. i dont know why, i just dont. its like all my thoughts are in my head, waiting to come out, but i just cant say them. scott i still love you.
tomorrow is the atreyu concert.
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[Thursday
March 3rd, 2005
6:58pm] |
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mood |
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dont know |
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music |
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none ughh |
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i dont feel like updating but i will anyways.
wednesday
school.
cried.
bus to the math meet.
cried
math meet.
bus ride home.
scott.
mc donolds. ick.
scott.
got to the school.
basketball game.
cried.
the bball team won.
brought tif home.
looked at tifs futon.
car ride home.
talked to wayne.
cried more.
layed in bed.
wrote scott a note.
talked to rob on the fone at like 10.
sleep.
today
school.
cried.
stayed after for a student council meeting.
cried, alot.
scott, kinda.
late bus home.
cried.
got home.
cried.
fone with rob.
computer.
fone with scott.
dad picked me up.
told me he isnt signing me back up for gymnastics cuz of tennis.
subway.
dads house.
atreyu/unearth concert in 2 days
post.
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[Tuesday
March 1st, 2005
10:04pm] |
um i dont feel like updating but i will anyways.
snow day, went snowboarding
~saw phil and scott. i only took like 2 runs with them though. *insert sad face here* i really miss him.
~took a lot of runs with a nate that none of you know. unless bobby is reading this
~spent the rest of my day with nate, which people might know. he is amaizing. and it was funny when he left i went to get a drink and the girl that rang me up was asking about him and stuff. lol.
~uhh i also saw bobby for a little bit. we were suppose to chill but he had school today so i only saw him when he was working.
nothing else interesting.
post...
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| my eyes burn, from these tears |
[Tuesday
March 1st, 2005
7:45am] |
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mood |
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crushed and confused |
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music |
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none |
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you'd think id learn over these years, that good things, dont last foreverrr.
title and quote^^ fits perfect right now. four classes, the bus right home, when i got home, and a lot of hours after that, consisted of my crying....over scott. i still love him, with everything in me. and i was a fuck up to fucking it up. im not sure what went wrong wtih me but i want to figure it out and make it right. i cant handle this. i dont think i have ever been this hurt in my lifeee. ughh. bad habits die hard. :\. it is just that i am so comfy when i am with him, like that is where i should be. he is everyting to me and without him i am nothing more, then a line in a book. *holy lyrics mood today*
ill give you my life, if you'd give me yours somehow.
snow day today. yessss! im going to the mtn. bobby is gonna be there, nate might go, the other nate might goo, scott might go, and phil might go, so atleast im not going to be riding alone but even if i was i wouldnt care. maybe today i will go alone anyways because of how horrible yesterday was. i need time to think things over. and everything else because im really not sure what is going on with how i feel and stuff. ughhh. i really dont know anymore. whatever. im done posting in this effin thing.
post it losers.
scott i love you.
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[Monday
February 28th, 2005
12:40am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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fall out boy |
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i cant sleep and its almost one. i need to get up at 5 tomorrow morning. man this blows. um im not sure what kind of mood i am in right now. i really couldnt tell you.
ben and i are just friends now, and i think it is better off that way. he is amaizing and everything but it seems like even if we did like eachother alot the way we acted to eachother was more like brother and sister. once again i am the friend never the girl. but for some reason i can deal with it. he has a girlfriend and i am happy for him. he is still my benny though. we are going to the atreyu concert together. its going to be so radd. i cant waitt.
yeah i admit it i still love scott. and im sorry for all this shit that i have brought to people lately and i know that i have. i was just trying to make myself happy cuz i wasnt thinking. i did a lot of stupid stuff that i normally would never do. after today my life is going to change. it needs to because i want to be happy and maybe i should make an effort to be happy. i am going to start doing my homework and try harder, and get my shit straight. my mom is coming home next month. im not happy about that. my dad might have found someone to buy his house already. i hope that goes through. it would be so chill if he got out there asap. and he said that i can get a pug. oh man i hope that i do. i dont think that i have anything else to say.
oh yeah i decided that the only thing going into that shot glass is non alcoholic beverages. im not going to be stupid. haha yeah right me not stupid. whatever. but really im 2 of the 3 x's in straight edge. sorry but im not giving up sex. hah. wow im such a loser. um okay now im done with this updating thing. holy shit im lame.
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[Sunday
February 27th, 2005
10:34pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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i still love scott.
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| why cant you just be happy |
[Sunday
February 27th, 2005
1:05am] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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as tall as lions - the carousel |
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wow it really has been forever!
vacation is almost over and wow did mine reallllllly suck!
friday i skipped school and went snowboarding for the day.
saturday i did nothing, and then i went snowboarding again. im pretty sure that day i tried to help my brother snowboarding, and he did better, but he still sucks. lol.
sunday i went to bens house, it makes me smile when i see him. we watched 3 movies together, the notebook, saw, and the virgin suicides. i still cant decide if i like saw or not. i didnt cry in the notebook for once which is probably a good thing since i was with ben, lol. he is so amaizing...still... and its funny cuz there is a part in the movie where we say back and forth to eachother, its something like, "you tell me when im being an irrogant son of a bitch, and i tell you when your being a pain in the ass, which you are, 99% of the time. im not afraid to hurt your feelings, its like you have a two second rebound and then your back to do the next pain in the ass thing." i dont know it makes me smile. he also let me put eyeliner on him, and i did a horrible job on the top but the bottom looked good. i ended up leaving around 830, and went home. my mom was there, we talked and stuff, and it was kinda weird cuz she asked me if i was depressed or anything, and if i had an eating disorder cuz supposively i look like i lost weight, well i dont anymore and its a good thing she didnt see my wrist, even though i dont do that anymore but whatever.
monday was pretty chill. i went to the mall with crystal. i got an unearth cd, a bunch of stickers for my snowboard, and a taking back sunday shirt. i love it. my snowboard has a ton of stickers on it and it looks sooooo sweetttt.
tuesday i went to a party at gias house, it was wicked sweet. her house is amaizing! then after the party i slept over. we took at TON of pictures while i was there.
wednesday, at gia's house and then i went home. did absolutely nothing and my dad said i couldnt go to tifs, which sucked. i just sat at home doing absolutely nothing. at around 5 my computer like died, for some reason it wouldnt let me back online, and i havent been able to get on until now. but right now im on my dads laptop. the desktop is def. screwed. lol.
thursday all day i went snowbaording. it was sweet, there was a lot of people there at first and then it died down quick. i was suprised cuz it was vaca and normally a ton of people are there on vacation weeks. i was standing in line and i saw someone who i thought from the back was cute and then i looked at him again and i was like max? tim? and it was them. so for the rest of the day i chilled with them. it was sweet. and atleast i didnt have to ride by myself. i saw nate durning the day sometime and we were gonna take a few runs together but we didnt find eachother so we didnt. lol. at around 4 i saw bobby, he was working though so i didnt get to take a few runs with him. um my dad got there at like 6 and i asked if i could stay another hour and he let me. it was sweet. that night i didnt go to gymnastics just cuz. lol. and i was wicked tired too so i didnt feel like it either. when i got home it started to snow.
friday i did absolutely nothing durning the day. i didnt shower untill like 5. the whole day i ate breakfast foods and layed in bed with my pjs on. at 630 i left my house to go to a dance in spencer. i hung out with this kid joe with pink and black hair. me and a few of our friends went to mcdonolds and then went back to the dance. the dance was full of a ton of ghetto people and all i could do was laugh. they turned the cotton-eye joe into a slut dance which was wicked funny. and a ton of guys walked up to me and tried to get me to dance but i didnt cept for a few songs cuz idk it was weird. i didnt know like anyone and i didnt feel like meeting people. after the dance i hung out with a few people, tried to skateboard and then i went home. i ended up getting home at like 12 that night and then i went to sleep. nothing special.
today i stuck at home and did absolutely nothing as usual. the big computer still isnt fixed but my dad found out a way for me to use the laptop. before it wouldnt get online and then he plugged it into the dsl line and got it to work so i was like yay! i went snowboarding and for once i hung out with like all my friends for a long time. it wasnt my day for being on the mtn, i didnt do that bad but i didnt do great either. i saw rob which made me happy. listen to this, i was thinking and seriously considering to become straight-edge, or atleast wtih the drinking and smoking/drugs part, and then at waterville, rob bought me a shot glass, so that is ruined. i mean there is no way i will ever smoke or do drugs, and i was trying to give up alcohol and that ruined it all. lol. oh well i can deal with it. and will still consider the straight-edge me.
time for me to describe how my dad is a jackass
the other day was the lions sirens and bears tour and i wicked wanted to go, like you have no idea. tickets were only like 10 bucks and he said yes wehn i asked him. an hour before the concert he was like no, you have done everything you wanted all vacation, you can deal one day to chill at the house, which was a lie and a half cuz i couldnt sleep over tifs house. der. then today he told me that he was going to call me at 8 and if i dont hear from him, then me call him. at 745 i called him like every 15 minutes untill 930. at 10 i called again and he told me he was sleeping like a baby. he wass suppose to pick me up from wawa at 9. he didnt get there until 1045. how sweet is that? sorry dad but that def deducted some brownie points from father of the year award.
but he almost bought me an IPOD the other day, but then told me i had to wait for my bday, which isnt far away but whatever. the main reason why i want one is for snowboarding, my bday is in the spring, i dont think that there is going to be snow by the time my birthday comes around.
i miss a lot of things in life lately, and i really need to get with it. its like im an emotional rollercoaster. ugh i dont like it much. but whatev.
monday we are suppose to get a lot of snow, and we might not have school on tuesday. if that happens then im going snowboarding. yay!
ben is taking my other ticket to the atreyu concert. i seriously cant wait for it, atreyu and unearth, two of my fav bands, you cant get better. that show is going to be sooo effin sweet. and after ben might sleep over my house. awesomeeee!
i dont think anything else interesting has been going on in my life, or atleast nothing worth putting in here. its not like anyone really reads my livejournal anyways.
oh yeah. i bout a HUGE bag of expresso beans. it was 15 bucks. hehe. and yes lizzie i got yours too, but i bought you a bag instead of the thing from the machine so im going to give you some of my bag cuz your bag isnt that big. lol.
post it losers
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[Tuesday
February 22nd, 2005
1:30pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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unearth - endless |
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alright, today is tuesday. it doesnt feel like it. i dont know what it feels like. i feel like i have no life what so ever. i dont know whta i want to do over vacation either. i dont really feel like doing anything at all. i miss the past, and i have too many regrets. ugh. im def in one of those moods right now. i dont know what to say.
all day i have sat around and did absolutely nothing. i ate food, showered and made myself look decent. i redid my livejournal and ive been sitting on my ass talking to people online and on the phone, what fun right?
in a couple hours im going to gia's house. we are gonna chill and she is having a party at 5. ben might go after drivers ed, and i hope that he does. it would make me happy to see him. im sleeping over her house tonight. i cant wait.
i want to go snowboarding. that is all i want to do, cuz when im snowboarding i can think, and feel free. i have so much on my mind right now and im stressed. im not sure what to do about anything, i know what i want but i dont think i can have it. ugh i really dont know anymore. i need something that will clear my mind. i dont know anymore.
11 days till the atreyu/unearth concert, and still no one to go with
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[Tuesday
February 22nd, 2005
1:01am] |
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mood |
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broken |
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music |
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the spill canvas - the tide |
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havent updated in a while i guess. saturday i went snowboarding and i like broke my hand. well not really, i sprained my knuckle but it hruts like a bitch. then i went to see my little cousin
sunday i went to bens house. it was kinda weird. i dont know it was like we were both completely out of it or something. we watched the virgin suicides, saw, and the notebook, and then tv. he let me put eyeliner on him and i did a horrible job. the bottom looked good but i screwed up on the top and he would twitch like every 2 seconds too. lol. then i went home pretty early and saw my mom. it was kinda weird, like i didnt want to see her but then again i was glad i did. we talked alot and it creeped me out cuz hse asked if i was anorexic or bulemic and if i was depressed or anything. i dont think she saw my arm so i guess that is a good thing. we listened to music and sat in my room and talked about stuff.
today i went to the mall with crystal. she is cool. i got pics but i dont feel like going through the whole photobucket process. um we spent our money, i got a bunch of stickers for my snowboard *misfits, blink 182, my chemical romance, from autumn to ashes, and one that says i like a little pain with my pleasure*, an unearth cd, and a taking back sunday shirt. then we walked around and tried on prom dresses and a bunch of ugly clothes, and ghetto clothes. it was pretty funny. then we took pictures in a photo thing. at like 420ish my dad picked me up and i came here, shoveled, put the stickers on my board, and just kinda chilled, my heart was shattered and then brought back up again. i hope everything turns out good. i really dont know what to think anymore. i know what i want though. ughhh. life is too fucken complicated.
tomorrow, well today, im going to gias house for a party. its gonna be sweet. im sleeping over too. im not sure what else is going on. its hard to make plans because my dad didnt take the week off so im not usre what is going on and stuff. uhh yeah. i cant wait for tomorrow. im soooo stoked. i wnat to go snowbaording reallllly baddd too.
List of Things I Want/Want To Do Before I Die
- go snowboarding back country, on a mtn where i would have to get dropped off my a helicopter at the top
- learn to skateboard
- learn to play electic guitar
- ben
- to be better at the things that i love
- a new snowboard
- pilchy's paintball gun
- a new livejournal layout
- a lot of other things
uhh post it losers
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[Saturday
February 19th, 2005
7:07pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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music |
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blindside - thought like flames |
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wow i realized that once again my life is boring, and nothing interesting ever happens. okay i lied. lately it has been pretty good. friday my dad let me skip school and i went snowboarding. it was fun, i was on park the whole day, and there was like no one at the mtn so i got in a TON of runs. it was cold though and i forgot my neckwarmer. by the time my dad called saying he was coming to pick me up, i went to the lost and found and got one. i was like wtf! umm i came home, rented four movies: napolian dynamite, out cold, the notebook, and the virgin suicides. i watched the notebook and napolian and then went to bed. in between like all of that i was back and forth online etc. *lame*
then today i got up, talked to people online and then when snowboarding again. it was nice, not a lot of people again either. nothing too special happened. i taught my brother how to board again, and he did better, but still sucks hard. and then i went for a ton of runs by myself too, and bobby split his pants down his ass *which is cute i must say* lol. i sprained two of my fingers kinda, and they hurt. i saw nate, ian and kyle for a little bit but only talked to them for like 2.5 and then i went for another run. i saw scott but didnt talk to him or anything cuz when i was on the lift he was on park and when i was on park he was on the lift, and then i had to go.
after snowboarding i went to see my new baby cousin. my aunt had him yesterday at 4:23 pm. his name is Michael Thomas Sobocinski. he is 6 pounds 5 ounces, and 19 inches. he is so little. blonde hair blue eyes. my uncle thought that there was somehting wrong with the blonde hair blue eyes, so joking around he asked the nurse to take a DNA test. lol.
nothing else interesting happened today. tomorrow im going to bens<3 house :) i cnat wait i havent seen him in a week, which seems like FOREVERRRR! movie marathon. yay.
post it losers
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[Thursday
February 17th, 2005
10:05pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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fall out boy - tell that mick he just made my list..... |
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um i have no life so i havent updated since forever. its not like anything intersting happened anyways. saturday i tried to teach my brother how to snowboard. i NEVER want to do that again even though im gonna have to this coming saturday. it took him two hours just to go down ralphs run. and he couldnt stop. finally he could and then we went to that stupid trail that i hate and it took him 45 minutes half way and he made me walk the rest down. then i saw ben and hung out with him for the last couple of hours taht i was at the mountain. wow he is still amaizing. um sunday i did like absolutely nothing. monday did nothing once again. it was valentines day and mine sucked. i couldnt see ben cuz he had an eye doctors appointment and then drivers ed, so my valentine wasnt part of my valentines day although i did talk to him for a good amount of time. tuesday i couldnt see him either and nothing special happened. wednesday i was going to go snowboarding but i couldnt, so i slept and sat around my house doing nothing. i think i ended up taking a nap actually, and i went online and talked to ben on the fone and stuff. i found out that gia cant go to the atreyu concert which blows. gia im gonna think of you the whole time that im there. i promise. now i dont have anyone to go with so if you like atreyu tell me. then today i went to school, had a ton of test and quizzes, which all were like easy. i got all my stuff for tomorrow cuz im not going to school, i was gonna go to bens but i cant, so instead im going snowboarding.. which is also wicked sweet but i would have rather saw ben. i pulled a muscle at gymnastics tonight and it hurts really bad. well it could be worse but whatever. umm i was doing really good though. i dont think anything else intersting has been going on in my life except ben but i havent seen him for a week and i wont see him till saturday, and on saturday i wont be able to see him much either cuz i need to teach my effin brother how to snowboard. but im going to his house for the day on sunday. fun fun. i cant wait. this vaca i think is gonna kick ass. um i think that is all. i want to redo my layout again.
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[Sunday
February 13th, 2005
9:52am] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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daphne loves derby - hopeless love |
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if im wasting my time just tell me....
safety pin my heart back together
and know that it hurts because
pain is the only love you have
e v e r s h o w n m e
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[Saturday
February 12th, 2005
9:32pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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unwritten law - seein red |
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um. i went snowboaring today.
i saw ben.
valentines day is monday.
i forgot my algebra book in my locker
dammit i was on a role with doing homework too.
i hope tomorrows plans go through.
im too lazy to type anything else.
post it losers.
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sofxcknspecial's journal
pathetic